Normal Family Page 18

  Marlene had been searching in her pockets for something that wasn’t there but should have been. “Blimey! He’s got the Time Limbo controller. He has to be stopped or he’ll swap Unita for his father.”

  David’s back was against the closed door now and he glanced round for no more than a second to look for the handle, but that momentary fumble was enough. Bryn launched himself in a perfect rugby tackle at knee height, while I flew at Schwartz’s son with nails that would have made a tiger proud. Lewis kicked the door closed, but what really stopped David in his tracks was the uppercut punch landed by Marie. The boy’s eyes opened wide in surprise and then glazed over as he slumped unconscious to the floor.

  “No one comes between my family and me. No one. Not anymore. And I consider everyone here family.” The look on Marie’s face left nobody in any doubt.

  Marlene searched David for the Time Limbo device and found it hidden deep in his pocket, wrapped in a handkerchief.

  “Are you going to destroy the damned thing?” asked Lewis.

  “I thought about it, but that would condemn Schwartz to an eternity in Limbo with no possibility of getting out. I couldn’t do that to anyone, not even him.”

  “So what are you going to do? You can’t leave it lying around.”

  Marlene looked at the controller, turning it over in her hand before slipping it into one of her bottomless pockets. “I’m going to give it to the one person who I know is a better wizard than me. I’ll get Merlin to take charge of it. It’ll be safe with her.”

  Neets was nursing her neck and overplaying the pain just slightly for Bryn’s benefit. “One thing I don’t understand,” she said throatily, cough, cough, “is what made you suspect David all of a sudden? I worked here with him and never thought he was anything other than a slightly dim kitchen boy.”

  “David started working here about four years ago,” I said, taking over from Marlene, “and it was about then that every move Lewis and his men made went back to Schwartz. That’s too much of a coincidence. Someone inside the house was obviously passing information to the wreckers and the only person really close enough to our Mr. Lewis and not actually related to him was David. It all pointed to him and I was right. There’s another thing - when Bryn and I escaped through the Portal and went back to the Agency, Schwartz opened the door to the cellar and nearly caught us as we left. How did he know the house would be empty and who let him in? It had to be David. When Neets, Bryn and I arrived in the Lewis Mansion in 1734 the only person in the house was David. It had to be him.”

  There was no round of applause, though there was a groan from David as he started to regain consciousness. Chief Superintendent Smollett leapt into action, putting him in handcuffs before he could move a muscle. He even read him his rights, though I wasn’t sure how valid they would be in 1734, but I bet it made my copper feel useful.

  Now as we all know, there always has to be a final mystery.

  There has to be something that everyone’s forgotten about and this time it was my newly promoted Chief Superintendent Smollett who remembered that Marble Arch disappeared on the same day as Nelson’s statue.

  It’s not easy to hide something so big and made of so much stone. The best place is always among a load of other massive archways, which is exactly where Marlene found it. The wizard reasoned that it had to be near a Time Portal, or at least where one had been and that it shouldn’t look out of place, so in all probability it wasn’t in Sherwood Forest. She found it tucked away at the back of a Hollywood film lot in the year 1924, but that didn’t solve the problem of how to get it back to London nearly a hundred years in the future without being noticed and without the help of a heavy gang.

  “Think why it got where it did,” I said helpfully. “It sort of got dragged there because the statue winged its way into Merlin’s old cave and I got dumped on top of its column. Somehow Marble Arch got caught up in it all. I’m already here, so I reckon if you send back Nelson, Marble Arch will go back of its own accord. Sorted!”

  We were sitting in the garden of Lewis’s Mansion enjoying both a late afternoon tea and the view stretching down to the sweeping sands that led to the rocky headland. It had been a good day and it seemed the right time to round off the case of the Leap of Faith.

  “Very logical,” said Marlene, “but how?”

  “I think we have to do everything in reverse,” said Neets. “Bryn started the whole thing in motion by setting off his father’s Time Portal, which was focused on the statue because his dad was checking on the diamond. For some reason when Bryn started his thing Marble Arch got sucked in as well as Nelson’s statue and was sent somewhere it wouldn’t be out of place. Ancient Rome would have been good, but Hollywood was easier and nobody would spot an extra archway there.”

  Marlene was skeptical. “So you’re saying all we have to do is send the statue back and everything will return to normal?”

  “Probably precisely!” said Neets cheerfully. I was beginning to wonder if she was getting over Bryn. She was starting to sound almost normal.

  “Trust me, Marlene,” I said, “this girl is on a roll. She’s met the man of her dreams… well, boy of her dreams… and he seems to like her too. This girl can do no wrong!”

  “You’re both forgetting one thing,” said the wizard. “Nelson’s statue has an eye-patch and underneath it is one of the world’s most fabulous and valuable diamonds, stolen by our Mr. Lewis to stop Schwartz from stealing it, if that makes sense. In real life of course Nelson never wore an eye-patch. So think on this, if he goes back on his column without an eye-patch people are going to notice. And if we take away the Koh-i-noor diamond we’re left with two problems.”

  Lewis smiled. “Only two? I can see the biggest problem will be getting the diamond back into the Tower of London. After I stole it - though I’d much rather say that I removed it for safe keeping - I convinced the Tower authorities to move the Crown Jewels into a much more secure environment, which they did. That’s why Schwartz couldn’t even steal my fake. Returning it now will be pretty well impossible and if you’re thinking of going back in time before the jewels were moved then you’ll like as not replace the real diamond with the real diamond, which could be very confusing.”

  “So we leave the Koh-i-noor where it is in Nelson’s eye?” said Marlene.

  Lewis shrugged. “Why not? It’ll be safe enough stuck up there, which was always my intention and no one will ever be any the wiser.”

  “We will,” said Marlene, “but we’ll have to live with it I suppose. Girls, it’s time to put your theory to the test. Mr. Lewis, take us to your Portal if you wouldn’t mind.”

  We got up from the garden table and made our way into the house, down to the cellars and grouped together in the last room where Lewis’s Time Portal was humming quietly to itself. Bryn and I walked forward and with Marlene’s help programmed the dials before walking separately into the Portal and disappearing.

  Zzzzzp. Zzzzzp.

  Seconds later we both returned and gave a thumbs up. Marlene then set the dials to exactly the coordinates Bryn had used when he and I had first met and stood back.

  “Right, you two. You started all this, so it’s only fair you finish it. Do the honors, Bryn.”

  “Where did you go, Tersh,” hissed Unita as she watched her hunk walk up to the Portal.

  “Back to Merl’s cave to set the Portal dials and warn Galahad what was going to happen. Bryn went to Schwartz’s place to do the same.” I didn’t mention that as I zoomed down the Time tunnel towards Merl’s cave I saw Galahad feather-dusting Nelson’s statue and rearranging the menus in the crook of the Admiral’s arm. I also saw him examine the eye patch, prodding it with a finger, then examine it closer and give a chuckle. I couldn’t see what he did next, but whatever it was he did it with a teaspoon and an even louder chuckle. When I arrived he had that look that said he was amazingly guilty of something and became quite flustered when I told him what we were about to do.

  “So what is
going to happen?” asked Neets. “Everyone seems to know except me.”

  “Watch.”

  Bryn pushed the switch to start the Portal and then walked back to rejoin us. Without thinking he took hold of Neets’s hand and she let him. I nudged Marlene and smiled as the Portal hum grew louder and the archway took on the familiar ultraviolet glow, though it seemed to be brighter than normal and the hum much louder. Everyone was tempted to close their eyes and cover their ears, but what they saw next was worth the noise and bright lights.

  The inner area of the Portal archway began to form a mist and then took on a milky whiteness as images began to flit across the PortalVision screen.

  “That was Schwartz,” said Lewis as the wrecker’s irate face briefly appeared.

  “Not a happy man.” Marlene looked at me. I was trembling. “What’s wrong dear? Why are you pulling?”

  “I’m not. It’s the Portal, it’s dragging me in!” I was clutching at Marlene’s robes, but my feet were still sliding across the floor towards the archway faster than I could scrabble backwards. “Marlene, help!” I disappeared with a …

  Zzzzzp.

  I looked around. I was back in Trafalgar Square up on the column thing, which just goes to show you can’t keep a good girl down, I thought, which also goes to show that relief often makes bad puns. I fished in the depths of one of my pockets and along with various invaluable oddments found an old tin cup. I put it to my mouth and spoke.

  “Hallo, Marlene. Is that you?”

  “Yes. Is that you, Tertia?”

  “Of course it is! Who else is going to use an old teacup to let you know they’re okay and standing on top of Nelson’s Column again? I’m fine and …Wow!” I disappeared as fast as I’d arrived and was pretty sure I flew past Nelson’s statue on its way back to the column where it belonged. The whole thing was working in reverse and I hoped I was on my way back to Merlin’s cave to enjoy a nourishing and very expensive Olé Grill meal. I was half right.

  When I stepped out of the Portal into the restaurant, Galahad was still looking anxious and desperately trying to hide something in his waistcoat pocket. The fact he didn’t try to charge me for anything set alarm bells ringing and it only took seconds to get him to spill the beans, providing I promised I wouldn’t tell a soul. I set the Portal controls for Port Eynon.

  Zzzzzp.

  It was good to be back. I was winded and sat down on one of the old packing cases for a quick breather because all this super-fast time travel is shattering even for a fit young detective and nearly-wizard like me.

  “Why wasn’t I sucked in as well?” asked Bryn and I had to admit it was a damned good question, one I didn’t have an answer for and hadn’t really given any thought to. I pretended Bryn’s question wasn’t addressed to me and looked at Marlene for inspiration.

  “Oh, that’s easy. You weren’t part of the original swap, dear,” said Marlene without a moment’s hesitation. “You were just responsible for it. Anyway, there’s one more little matter that’s got to be sorted. Watch.”

  The PortalVision moved to concentrate on two holes on the ground. They were rectangular, close together and were empty for no more than a second or two as a massive structure zoomed from Hollywood to fill them. Marble Arch was back in place and because it was night time in London hardly anyone saw it happen and those who did probably had other things to think about, like walking in a straight line.

  “It’s over,” said Marlene with a smile.

  “For us, I think it could just be beginning.” Marie squeezed her husband’s hand.

  Chapter Fifteen

  David’s Story, a Recruit and Going Home

  “Hands up everyone who would like Miss Tertia to stay.” Miss Jones started to count but gave up when she realized every child in the school had no intention of letting me leave. At least not just yet.

  I’d gone down to the school minutes after Marble Arch left Hollywood and for the rest of the day stood in front of my class with Miss Jones, much to the delight of the kids, and I told them more stories about my adventures, especially about what had happened after Schwartz fell over the Leap of Faith. What’s more I didn’t exaggerate at all, because for once in my life I didn’t need to. Boasting aside, I was a natural storyteller with the rare ability of making learning interesting and I loved doing it.

  “Will you stay with us?” asked Miss Jones, “I’m sure we’d all benefit from your experiences and I know the children would love to show you round our Gower coast, especially those bits where you haven’t been tied up, nearly drowned or taken by donkey through a raging storm. We actually get quite nice weather down here most of the time.”

  I’d already decided that a week or two in Port Eynon would be the ideal opportunity to work on my tan, besides I couldn’t see Neets wanting to leave Bryn for the joys of Merl’s cave and the missing cats and dogs of the Temporal Detective Agency for a very long time.

  Marlene was having great fun going through the parish records and piecing together the history of the village. She occasionally nipped forward in time and had a number of interesting chats with the Port Eynon vicar in the 21st century who also happened to be a Lewis. Marlene and I couldn’t help wondering if Bryn and Neets were distant ancestors of his and half the village. Only time and a DNA test would tell.

  Marlene was happy.

  Lewis promised Marie he would never again travel in time and she promised never to ride a horse at night unless he was with her and even then only on roads. He had also taken out his old Camelot clothes from the wardrobe and burned them with great ceremony in one of the headland beacons. As the fabric caught fire and smoldered into ash it was as though the past seventeen years had never happened and a whole chapter of his life had been wiped away, leaving him to enjoy the future with his wife and son. However, he did keep the Black Knight’s helmet for use as a coal scuttle.

  Marlene suggested that when she, Neets and I eventually returned home Lewis should brick up the Time Portal and seal it in the cellar room to prevent anyone using it. Over the years people would forget why the last room was smaller than the rest.

  Bryn and Neets spent every second in each other’s company and I didn’t spy on them once. I did stumble across them, though not quite literally, when taking the kids on a walk one day. They were holding hands and staring dreamily into nothing on one of the more remote beaches, so I deftly guided my class in the opposite direction to save my cousin’s blushes. Neets was smitten big time and it looked to me as though I wasn’t going to lose a cousin so much as gain a Bryn.

  Chief Superintendent Smollett made up for all the rainy holidays he’d ever had and sat in a chair in his ancestor’s garden, sunbathing. If it got any warmer I reckoned he might even take off his raincoat.

  I looked at the boy sitting in front of me and felt quite sorry for him. “Do you mind if I talk to you?” David Schwartz shook his head and stared at the ground. “I don’t want to say anything nasty, but I had a friend once who had the same problem as you.”

  David looked up. “Problem?”

  I sat down next to him. “So they put you in the stocks then. It could have been a lot worse I suppose.” David’s legs were secured by two wooden bars leaving him able to sit on a small stool with his arms free to shield himself from the fruit that people had thrown, which now littered the area. “At least they’ve given you plenty to eat!”

  “Yeah, but I’d give anything for a good juicy steak to go with the veg.” We both smiled briefly. It broke the ice. “Tell me about your friend.”

  “She was the daughter of a famous lady near where I come from and her father was a druid here in Wales. The lady was kidnapped and forced to marry someone else, a mighty lord, while the druid was imprisoned to keep him out the way.” I decided to keep secret the identities of my friends Arthur, Guinevere and her lover secret. After all it was the story that mattered, not the names, and David probably wouldn’t have believed me anyway. “The druid enrolled his daughter into Merlin’s academy in
tending that she would act as his spy in the enemy camp. We didn’t guess for ages that she was his daughter.”

  “And when you did it was too late?”

  “No. She’d spent most of her time trying to stop her dad and all his plotting, but without much success. In the end she helped save him from Arthur’s vengeance and they all lived happily ever after back in Wales as far as I know.”

  “We didn’t,” said David as he chewed on a carrot. “I tried to help my dad and he ended up stranded in Time, while I’m a laughing stock.”

  “Why didn’t you try to stop your dad?”

  “I did, but you met him. He was always pretty ruthless even before he came to Port Eynon. Besides, he wasn’t my real dad. I was washed up from a wreck and he decided to keep me, in case I was useful I suspect.”

  I thought back to the Black Knight who’d tried to overthrow Camelot. People didn’t come more ruthless than that.

  “And people don’t argue with my dad… not twice anyway. So when he told me to be a kitchen boy in Mr. Lewis’s house and feed him back information, I did as I was told. I didn’t realize for a long time that by telling him where Mr. Lewis and his men would be on a particular night a ship would be wrecked and sailors killed. I thought he was just a smuggler and once I found out what he was really like, it was too late. I just kept on getting the information for him.”

  “Surely you could have stopped? Maybe you could have just been a servant for the Lewis household and forgotten all about your father.”

  “He’d have come after me and I’d have gone over his Leap of Faith. I even tried giving him the wrong information, but most times it made no difference because he had other people in Mr. Lewis’s house on his payroll.”

  I picked up an apple, polishing it against my robes before taking a bite. I picked up another and handed it to David because all the better fruit was out of his reach.